Eons have passed

Eons later...

Millenia seems to have passed.
As i whiled away my time.
Disregarding this little cyber alcove of my thoughts.
Already this place is startin to feel rather ancient.
Cyber decay and electronic parasites have made their home.

Hah. Things have settled a little since that frenetic night of frenzy.
About some time to return to reality.
Sadly in this hols, money has become a prime concern.
Particularly due to it being the major holiday season.
There are friendly obligations to fulfil.
Except the means to do so are pretty out of reach.
Presents for a bazillion friends.
That you suddenly wish that you could be some remote hermit for a day.

My days are mundane as far as mundane can get.
Which is a drastic waste of time.
I pray and hope the interviews are successful.
As least an avenue for time spent.
At least its for the good of the economy.....
Okay. That's really lame.
I suppose stayin at home and engaging in mindless cyber slaughter.
Does have a definite effect on accelerating mental atrophy.
Look at where my brains and wits are going.
Oblivion would be an understatement.
Already, i knew this post was decicated to babbling.

While i'm not caught up with choking deadlines in school.
Or participating in mindless ventures.
I suppose there's still that little window of time for some pensiveness.
Perhaps i'm daydreaming.
Somehow it gives my mind a moment's respite with myself.
Which is rarely experienced during the schoolyears.
Yet ponderings allow me to reflect and reminisce.
All the better to treasure the memories.

Humans are the epitome of hubris.
We only learn to treasure that we have lost.
We are short sighted.
We spend time trying to regulate our society.
Yet ironically we fight for free will and freedom of speech.
The governments and the world claim to fight for a better tomorrow.
Yet secretly and discreetly they are exposing loopholes for benefits.
How contrived.

However, our very imperfection is the reason behind our brilliance.
Then again.
Who is to say whether i'm right or wrong.
Who is to make judgement on anything at all?

Ideals are there to inspire not to be goals of acheivement.
As with Utopia.

Whoosh!

Whoosh!

Okay.
It's been a hell of a time.
Prom. Ah.
It was rather interesting to see many schmates dressed up.
When u usually just see most of them in nothing but the brown uniforms.
Hah. At least there are no major fashion faux pas.
Which was rather astonishing.
Food was good. Really.
Though i would have loved to pay that $8 more for a day at Fullerton.
(MJ's prom's at Fullerton. $86)
We all had nice company.
Though the emcee was abit silly.
Cheers to Shannon the Queen.

Hah.
It's been a day of many firsts.
I must say.
Clubbing for instance.
It was... invigorating.
Grants you a different side to everyone.
Enlightening...
Oh well.
Now that is all behind us.
Time to move on.
Now. I need a job to while time away.
Bleah.

What!?

What!?

Part of me can't believe all this is over.
I don't mean only the A Levels
But communal school life.
That is something which we are all leavin behind.
No more will i be studyin in a classroom.
Very much like i used to.
Something which i couldnt care much for.
Dreaded even.
But now, that unending love-hate relationship has ended.
And I am left hanging.
Unsure whether I'm free or just lost...

The classroom...
A place where we hated teachers.
Yet also a place where we all first met.
A place where we did our tiresome work.
Yet also a place where we strived together forging relationships.
Somehow, i can't believe we have just left that all behind.

Free without the trappings of exams.
Lost without the homely feel of school.
A place where we spent our young formative years.
It has left an impression.
A poignant one.
It is a subtle conglomeration of life.
Joys.
Sorrows.
Anger.
Love.
Weariness.
Friendship.
Learning.
Frustrations.
Everything.

Somehow to leave it.
Leaves an emptiness in the depth of my being.
An irreplaceable experience.

Somehow.
I will have to muster my courage to learn the temporal nature of things.
That nothing is ever enduring.
Things are confluxes of change.
Experiences are indelible.
That i will keep.

Denouement or Exhilaration?

Denouement or Exhilaration?

'A' Levels are finally...
Or inevitably over?
That's one of the questions i've been asking.
The stress of the exams are lifted.
Yes. Pressure Release.
At once, everything comes back like a singular stark memory.
As if, all that was before was condensed into one sole...
Moment.
I was reeling.
I wasn't sure what i wanted.
To enjoy what was sought for...
Or to keep myself in that sweet naivete?

Does it matter?
Reality and Time moves independently.
Regardless of our wills.

What can i do?
Wait for the inevitable.
Somehow, i wish that Time would remain in stasis.

*Okay, my thoughts are interrupted by my Mum ranting away at my sis for washing the toilet badly. Damn all that screaming and shouting. Can't write. I'll be back when things have settled. Can't help lazy people. Hopefully she survives. Ciao*

Enlistment

Enlistment

Fear?
Apprehension?
Excitement?
Dread?
Or simply numb ignorance?

A plethora of biochemicals arrested my heart.
Adrenaline - Alert
My pulse quickens.
And i wonder what is out there for me?

Another part of me screams for control.
Silence.
My blood stills to their usual beat.
I have momental calm.
I'm simply moving into the next phase of my life.
And inevitability in many countries maintaining a civilian army.
It's an eventuality i have to face.

Peace.
Let's juz face the music.
Take on the oncoming thing.
Pray. Hope. Believe in all my being,
That i would not buckle and stand firm.

I'm still malleable.
So...
We'll juz see how things turn out in that fiery furnace.

For now.
Let's face the time in between.
With all the vivacity life can offer.
Before we are enclosed behind a sphere of ultimate order.
Where chaos has no hold and place.
For now.
Let, Fear. Dread. Excitement. Apprehension.
Hold me.
I pray that i would be liberated on.
9th of March 2006.

Graduation.

Graduated.

I can hardly believe.
I can hardly accept.
I can hardly come to terms.
With this brusque end.
Time plays us, controls us.
We are as helpless as an ass being led by the nose.
I never truly reslised to grim horror of passing time.
Unnoticeable, but undeniable.
For each step we take.
No matter how fruitful.
Or however painful.
We are walking towards the end.
This neutrality, impassiveness of Time.
Governs us.

With Time, comes endings.
Resolutions.
Renewals.
Separation.
Yet, no matter how integral, poignant it is to our lives.
It will be my downfall being unable to let go truly.
This period of my life,
I'm put through the mill of life, of trial.
Again.
JC 2 whether crawling or instantaneous.
Has finally finished it's curtain call.
The lights are down.
We are thrust back, rudely into reality.
Instinctively, it set me reflecting into our past.
Reminiscent. Poignant. Exceedingly Nostalgic.
It brings tears to my eyes when i recall...
Our first CT...
Laughing together at Miss Victor...
Having fun during Lit Drama with Cara...
Striving thru PW and Promos...
Endless class parties, outings...
That very special walkathon which bonded us all...
Drama's gift to Nanyang, 'OZ', which I enjoyed immensely putting it up togther with everyone involved...
MY class of 04A2... I think we've come further than friends... We are family both metaphorically and literally =). Our ties are something I would keep close to my heart. A mark, indelible, I've been branded as a part of 04A2, that is something which will last for eternity.
(I'm finding it difficult to properly elucidate my thoughts. I'm juz overwhelmed...)
Us... putting our heads together to battle the Mid-Years and Prelims...
Drama's Farewell...
Everything I've done in conjunction with A2, Drama, TXH or any other NYJCian. It will be etched deeply in my memories, it is a part of me...
I only wish that Time, unfeeling as it is would not enstrange us...
I only wish that A2, will stay strong for the 'A's no matter how battered you are, I'm willing to lend an ear.
I would like to thank A2 for all that they have given me, memories, gifts, notes, and wise (or witty) adages.
Esp during Graduation CT...
I thank Mel for her words that bring me down memory lane.
I thank Sanah for her appreciation of A2.
I thank Mardi for her effort and pictures, it will be my keepsake.

I'll always be part of A2 as it is a part of me.
I dedicate this to all of A2. My deepest gratitude for everything...

P.S. PERSERVERANCE is what YOU need be it for the 'A' Levels or DOTA! *grinz

Blah.

I'm juz so jaded, so jaded...
Time really flies.
I never truly appreciated that phrase till now.
When i'm nearing the end of Year 2.
2 years. So long yet so short.
Short : 2 years of JC life.
Long : 2 years of NS life.
Heh.
There's juz this fornlorn feelin now.
Nearing the end.
Depending on how on looks upon it.
A2 were all strangers from different lands of different cultures.
Odd melting pot really.
Highly reactive.
Like you know K + H2O = Kaboom!
Yea, that's sorta what it is.
Budden, JC life would have been monotonous without these lively sparks of vibrance.
It's saddening, melancholic...
I've always been a maudlin guy.
Not one of my best traits.
Pity we have only now truly begun to gel.
After this 1 year plus.
I am starting to see us as a unity.
It was so cliqued back then.
Why does it have to take so long for our walls to be battered?
Perhaps Jerry is right.
Ppl only form cemented bonds through common hardship.
The hardship of ploughing through our exams together.
Words aren't nearly enough to express my emotions.
(Perhaps i'm too stressed that my vocab's been suppressed or something.)
Hah. I've never taken too well to separation.
Even with Drama...
There had been this sense of loss.
Of returning to normal, individualistic monotony...
And then comes the onset of examination stress.
It juz wears me down.
Destiny knows how to play it's game.
The poignancy appalls me.
We would be parting ways...
Sooner than expected.
Yet, we've only juz begun to appreciate each other.
Destiny makes folly of man.
Ironic how we make acquaintances only to lose them.
Perhaps it's God's way of testing our mettle.
Whatever it is... It juz means we are mere pawns in the Grand Design.
I am not accustomed to such haste.
Yet, such is the workings of this society.
Society is never truly society when everything's based on one's social lives.
Pathetically void and artificial.
I wish we could live in a more humane place.
That would be the most exotic gift today.

Choppy thoughts... No more...

Word Bank

<-Word Bank->

OK. I'm mainly searching for words that would be helpful in Lit. Essays. Mainly a wider range of words to convey ideas. Examiners would prolly get bored of rigid writing.

Poignant
Painfully sharp to the emotions or senses; deeply moving. Arousing sympathy.

Piquant
Agreeably pungent, sharp or appetizing. Quietly stimulating, or disquieting to the mind.

Imbues
Inspire or permeate (with feelings, opinions or qualities)

Immaculate
Pure, spotless, perfectly neat and clean. Perfectly or extremely well executed or articulated.

Juxtapose
Place things side by side. To compare. Juxtaposing ideas.

Innuendo
An allusive or oblique remark or hint, usually disparaging. A remark with a double ending.

Endow
Bequeath.

Melange
A mixture. Medley.

Mellifluous
Pleasing. Musical. Flowing. Adj. (Usually of voice or words)

Mellow
Adj. (Of sound, colour and light) Soft and rich, free from harshness. (Of character) Softened or matured by age or experience. OR Genial, jovial or partially intoxicated.
Sweet. Dulcet. Mellifluous. Euphonious. Amiable.

Euphonious
Sounding pleasant or harmonious.

Dulcet
Sweet and soothing. Adj. (Especially of sound)

Peccadillo
A trifling offence. A venial sin. Minor infraction.

Pulchritude
Literary sense of beauty. Pulchritudinous.

Courtesy of 'Complete WordFinder' A Unique and Powerful Combination of Dictionary and Thesaurus

Bookie.

Word Bank Today.

Ambivalence
Coexistence of opposing feelings in one's mind, esp. love and hate, in a single context. Ideal at describing Othello's dilemma. 'Excellent wretch! When I love thee not. Chaos is come again.'

Sojourn
To visit and reside temporarily, a brief sojourn.

Subversive
A revolutionary. Undermining. Destabilizing. Upheaval. Overthrow. Adj: Insurgent. Saboteur. Dissident.

Hamartia
Tragic flaw, in a hero leading to his downfall. That's bout all i can find.

Egalitarian
Priciple of equal rights and opportunities to all.

Empathy
Power of identifying oneself mentally, hence fully comprehending. Coleridge invites us to empathise with him through his poems. Or so i think.

Corporeal
Bodily. Physical. Material. Distinct from the spiritual.
Ethereal
Light. Airy. Delicate in appearance. Heavenly. Celestial. Immaterial.

Convolute
Intricate and complex. OR Coiled and twisted.

Conundrum
Riddle, often with a pun. Puzzling.

Commiserate
Express or feel pity or sympathy. Commiserate you on your loss.

Caveat
A warning or caution: “A final caveat: Most experts feel that clients get unsatisfactory results when they don't specify clearly what they want”
To qualify with a warning or clarification: The spokesperson caveated the statement with a reminder that certain facts were still unknown.

Extol
Praise. Applaud. Acclaim. Glorify. Honour. Compliment.

Maudlin
Weakly or tearfully sentimental. Mawkish sentiment.

Ostentatious
Showy. Boastful. Braggart. Pretentious. Flamboyant.

Some words of praise to shower upon the authors and poets of old. (Shameless things...) Anyway.

acclaim, accolade, adoration, applause, appreciation, approbation, approval, boost, bravo, celebration, cheer, citation, commendation, compliment, cry, devotion, encomium, esteem, eulogy, exaltation, extolment, flattery, glorification, homage, hymn, laudation, obeisance, ovation, panegyric, plaudit, rave, recognition, recommendation, regard, sycophancy, thanks, tribute, worship.

Okay. That's all for today. Looks rather simple. Drop me a word if you find anything intriguing. Brain-Dead. Out.

Yada

and now... YOUR DAILY LIT TRIVIA!
(God... that sounds spastic, i hope God doesn't strike me down or sumthin)
'Ok... i know i'm freezing. I shan't torment my readers'
That was a horrible beginning.
Anw, lemme give my worthless opinion on a few literary terms.

Catharsis
An emotional release in drama or art. The process of freeing repressed emotion by association with the cause.

Oh btw, more trivia.
Did you know that 'Cathay' is an archaic word in medieval language for 'China'. Like wow... Ok. I was never this lame. I suppose bloggin is intrinsically cathartic.

Bathos
An unintentional lapse in mood from the sublime to the absurd or trivial. A ridiculous feature offsetting an otherwise sublime situation; an anticlimax.

Dummies corner:
Sublime refers to something being most exalted, grand or noble (sublime genius) OR arrogantly unruffled; extreme (sublime ignorance). Feels more like i'm explainin these terms to myself...

Hubris
Arrogant pride. Presumptous. OR Excessive pride leading to defiance (against the gods), leading to nemesis.

Apologies,
Apparently, this dictionary of mine, ironically named 'Complete Wordfinder' is unable to locate the whereabouts of 'Hamartia'. Maybe i should build a word bank here... This blog shall thus be dedicated to the appreciation of language. I find myself engrossed in the dictionary glossing over silly words like um... 'halitosis' essentially 'bad breath' as in halitus breath, if you wanna sound 'cheem' or 'stupid' that is.

Pathos
A quality of speech, writing or events that evokes pity or sadness. Suffering and grief.

Time.
Is a precious commodity. Odd, time can't be commodified. Anw, vocabulary bank sounds interesting. Maybe in my next post. I never figured out what 'Sanguine' meant, hearing it time to time, so here.

Sanguine
Optimistic or confident. OR Bright and ruddy complexions. OR An amorous disposition. Literally, it means blood-red colour as in sanguineous.

I confess i am no clearer than i already was.

Invective
Iago uses invective speech. Speech or writing that denounces, abuses and attacks. Can be directed at a person, an idea, a system or thought. Employing excessive use of negative emotive language. Like: I cannot but conclude the bulk of your natives to be the most pernicious race of little odious vermin that nature ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of the earth.

That's mean, interesting to watch the guy's reaction when you say it to him. So, that's all i got for now. Dump me a few interesting words to challenge my wordfinder. Also for building this word bank together.

What went wrong?

Dammit. I need a vent.
Yes. Like Krakatoa.
The hell went wrong while i was away?
Sisters.
Now, the resolution is so small.
Everything became so big.
Nothing i did was able to change it.
What in the world did she do?
I hate this and........
SCREW THOSE FUCKING LEWD POP-UPS MAN!
CANT TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!
CLEAN UP! damn him...
Hell.
And that idiot of a sis can't even gimme a reason why the screen became liddat.
She said it simply is...
After the previous flops...
I can't believe a single word.

That was for today.
This is for yesterday.

Saturday. The J2 Drama members were cordially invited to a farewell party.
At East Coast Park, Pit. 61.
So i met up with Su Zhen and Jane.
And we proceeded to our destination on 135.
We dropped. Went uderpass. And emerged onto East Coast park.
Perfect. We were on time at 4.
Now, its time for pit hunting.
Where in the world was Pit 61?
So i checked the nearest Pit no.
Horror streaked across my face.
I told the girls,'You dun wanna noe...'
'What?' they said.
And so i said,' Pit 5'.
'WHAT?' they said again.
And i knew this was gonna be a wonderful walk.
Thing is, i never knew how wonderful...
So, we thought.
Let's juz walk.
I mean, can't be that long right? Right...
After half an hour, we were at Pit 20 odd.
And we were gettin restless...
At Pit. 30 odd, i was seriously harbouring thoughts of bike-hijacking.
After 1 hour. We reached a huge depression hollow.
Right. Detour.
Problem is, the pits are not always constant.
It's like a whole buncha pits. Then a stretch of pitless beach.
And we would whine.
And i keep FLIPPIN PINECONES INTO MY FLOPS!
Wasn't really that enjoyable.
After an ardous 1 and a 1/2 hour journey we reached Pit. 61......
And we cursed... Hell yea we did... Or i did =)
Had fun. Frisbee monkey later volleyball monkey.
Sorry about the ppl I injured with the frisbee =P
Been monkey quite a few times.
Couldnt help it.
Was gettin dark, i was grabbing air or shootin trees.
Ate. Posed. Chatted.
I'm like one of the craziest posers around.
I'm not postin pictures.
I'll disgrace myself.
Think Melly is infatuated with Bryan or something.
Keeps goin on how nice he is to send her here... Yadda Yadda.
Ok, sorry abt being a gossip monger.
Thinkin alot of ppl hate me behind my back for that or somethin...
Hope she doesn't read this.
I'll prolly have a disfigured tagboard. Cowers*

What's up?

How long has it been?
I feel numbed.
I suppose it's a natural defensive measure the body undertakes.
Considering the barrage of everything possible on my sensory receptors.
I'm nearly pushed to overload.
I'm on shutdown mode man....
I somehow lack the ability to make myself study.
Then i'll poke at myself, cursin and swearin...
Wow.... One day it'll come as no surprise as i drive myself nuts.
Been feelin totally on edge all e time.
Like some stealthy predator lyin in wait to snap at an instant.
What's up?
I dunno...
Can't answer.
Quotin Sanah:
Yes, I'm a walking schizophrenic.
Burstin at the seams.
That what exam stress does?
God. I hate it.
Life makes you wonder sometimes.
Carefree and easy as i am.
Life never ceases to make a mockery outta me.
It seems to take sadistic pleasure in watching me writhe in agony,
In the deepest pits of my being.
I'm not depressed or anything.
That seems to be the monopoly of girls.
No one guy can breach that.
I juz needed a space and time to let go.
To let go of all i'm clenching onto.
I throw my bafflement aside.
And trust in faith,
That for my existence here,
I hope i'm living for a reason,
No matter how far or unknown it may be,
I choose to believe in a purpose for life,
For that's what fuels me to live in this world.
This deteriorating, degrading, disintegrating world that humans are tearing apart.
Because...
It is the only comfort left available to me.

He prayeth best, who loveth best
All things both great and small;
For the dear God who loveth us,
He made and loveth all.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

Been there...

Been some time.
Needed some time for serious mental thrashing.
Glad it's all over and done with.
Then again, life's ever unpredictable and tumultous.
I feel as if i'm on a little sampan in a choppy stormy sea.
Gosh! That kinda sucks. Well, reality often does.
It's like some battle we fight daily...
Endure or drown.

Met with another recent slap in the face.
Which i thought was diabolically designed to do so in our educational lives.
Exams. Mid Years. Yes. BLOODY MURDERERS!
Sorry. Had to get it off.
The whole idea is ridiculous.
Feel as if it's out to test your time management and mental stamina than knowledge.
Of course i didnt fare very well.
Not many did well either.
As they said, it was supposed to be a slegehammer hit-in-the-face.
Or rather wake-up alarm sorta thing.

And the worst thing is.
I'm not sure how i'm gonna face it.

...

Mornin... Well, at least for me...
Juz woke up on a Tuesday mornin.
Tryin to shake off e last vestiges of peaceful slumber.
Sometimes... I really wish i didn't have to do this.
But live on in Slumberland.
A place of my fabrication.
Utter unfettered freedom.
Sadly,
I can only think about how nice it would have been.
I wish that I could somehow escape the reality of life.
The bitter harshness of it all.
The only solace i can find
Is being away from home,
Away from the memmories that chain me down,
Away from the very place that enslaves me,
Home is only truly ever home is when i'm alone.
If I had the power... that is.
To do my will.

It's sad to say it,
I know i shouldn't be,
But I can't help it,
I'm close to breakin point now.
A father whose business crashed many years ago,
Never stood up again.
Never learned.
Never awoke.
Only pride and sloth bars his way to recovery,
To recover from the state of leechin and uselessness.
Obtaining money from us was ever an unasked business.
A mother who laboured hard to shoulder this burden,
Is falling, weakening, losing hold.
Shaken to the core,
Uncountable times by the acts that bewilder her.
That torments her very soul.
A frail spirit in a hardy shell.
She could do nothing but try to shift the burden.

I don't see where i stand in this,
Or so lost that i'm not sure where.
I'm not an emotional dumping pit.
I'm not a black hole for the recesses of your flares.
Neither am i someone strong enough,
To take the onslaught of reality.

We drifted o'er the harbour-bar
And I with sobs did pray -
O let me be awake, my God!
Or let me sleep away.

The Rime of The Ancient Mariner

Feelin down

Feelin down...
Dunno why but down...
It's one of those times when things just dont seem to go your way
Sux one hell of a time
Wish i could juz get out of it soon
Perhaps it's e mid years
With my conscience naggin at me for not muggin
Sometimes i juz can't seem to do it...
Hate this weakness
This awful shambles i'm in
Hope it'll get over
Probably when the mid years end
Then i'll be another episode
Where i face the consequences of my actions.

Been some time...

It's been some time since i last posted.
What can i say?
I'm lazy.
Ha.
Juz finished watchin Inuyasha
Lazin as usual.
Been some rockin time i had lately.
Went to west m'sia recently.
=) Made quite a few frens from A7A =)
The whole trip's been rather fine.
On the whole VERY exhaustin coz we had to travel everywhere by bus daily.
Kota Tinggi to Kuantan then to Trengannu and back.
Caught some great geologic features life-sized.
Nothin's like being there compared to lookin at those puny photos in the geog room.

Exams again...
This is Singapore man...
I shld have gotten used to this shit.
But no, i haven't and i don't think many others have as well.
Always i tell myself i have to mug.
Then i realise i'm juz lyin to myself.
Coz the word 'mug' doesn't exist in MY dictionary.
And i'll be pretty sure NOT to find it in a few of my frens'
Still... it's somethin which we all have to stick thru...

Someone said blogs tell another face of a person.
Albeit the darker side...
(Jerry as Darth Vader "Hokkien") Peh wa ki orh orh yi peng...
Follow me to the dark side...
Blogs do such sometimes...
I guess it's juz life for teens nowadays.
Everything's bout bein 'in'
Being 'social'.
Find it hypocritical sometimes.
But i can't deny i don't do it sometimes..
Tryin to blend in to the crowd.
And quit being an 'oddball'.
Somehow it's hard to be really honest.
Something always has to be hidden.
A deep dark secret that none will ever know.
Livin in such a society for so long.
It's like some rare priviledge to be honest with oneself and others.
Something so freely given simply makes one feel liberated.
I'm glad i have friends in which i can really be honest with.
I treasure that.
It's something not easily found.
And blessed are those who find it.

Till next time...
It has been another rare insight on the tip of the iceberg.
Or another episode of my silly ramblings.
Anyways, live life.
Carpe Diem.

Ow...

Ok... I haven't been here for a long time.
I guess i'm simply lazy.
Yea...
I mean what's new?
I've been so drained lately.
I dunno why.
Lessons in school.
And ya magicking away.
Talking about magic the gathering.
Reminds me of a new set.
Or at least a self constructed set courtesy of Ed, Terry and Me.
This is old news really.
As i said i've been lazy.
The Lovers of Kamigawa and the Creators of a new movie genre 'Porror'
Exclusively mooted for Jerry and YunQi.
Have a laugh.

Man... i sound dead.
Sorry guys, i need time to revive a little.
Well, i juz got back frm CMPB for the med check.
Pretty inane.
The things they make you do.
Of course the dental, blood, urine, optical, X-ray and whatnots are thrown at you.
Jumpin frm room to room faced with zombie-faced persons.
Along with a few who tried to be an ass.
It was freezing in there and i was in Tee and shorts shivering away.
And 1 section required you half naked lyin on a bed with things plugged on you.
I mean how sick is that.
Seems as if my face spells, 'Hi! I'm a lab rat!'
And of course the interview.
Do you smoke, have heart problems, homo tendencies... yadda yadda.
Then you had to answer computers.
One would ask you personal questions.
'Do you think you are being followed?'
'Do you think someone is tryin to harm you'
'Have you ever been raped?'
'Can you read people's minds?'
'Have you ever heard things that people ard you could not hear'
'Have you ever felt that a tv programme was made only for you'
The above are one of the few.
The other would test your IQ.
I tell you i was so shagged after everything i think the results would show i'm an idiot.
Here you had to complete a host of patterns.
Answer simple maths.
Instruction following capability tests.
Complete number patterns.
Argh i can't remember all it was all so draining.
I went home half living.
That's all.

NYEDC

OZ was a real sucess!
I loved the audience esp.
I can't say more.
The whole musical journey left me with such endearing memories.
Memories of cast working hard together.
Putting lines, blocking, dance and singing together.
Memories of the diligent crew even though we didnt see much of each other.
The entire show wouldnt have been possible w/o em.
The cast cannot express their thanks more than they alr can.
Thruout this magical journey that we have all embarked on.
It's heartwarming to see all of us take an earnest walk down the 'yellow brick road'
We all found our friendship, love, commaraderie, team spirit and togtherness.
OZ has really touched us in more ways than one.
Bonded us really.
Esp in the boycotting of Y-u-n-q-i...
Haha.
I really cannot thank the teachers enough for all their support.
Melly, Seah, Tong, Tina especially for her excellent directorship and WoanWen for her brilliant lightings.
Kellet's like just there in name.
3 mths it took us to really put this up.
I guess we built much more than just props and show.
Took us sweat, sacrifice and precious time.
It seemed amazing that we actually did it.
It seemed so surreal and magical.
The musicians too were wonderful, a gift frm e heavens.
Keow Mei Jian for her creative composing and dazzling voice.
Jordan for his impeccable skill on either the keyboard or piano.
Ramu for his impressive array of sounds
Phil for his 'saxy' saxophone solos, you rock man!
This Musical wouldnt have been possible w/o all of you.
Love all of you to bits man!

The audience.
I can't again thank my friends enough for gracing my drama event.
A big 'Thank You' to all of you again.
I wouldnt have been able to do what i did had not been for your support.
I appreciate A2 for comin down.
My heart warmed when i saw you guys.
Really, it bolstered my confidence.
Love u guys too.
I wouldnt have again done it w/o you.
Thanx esp to my buddies, lovers, kings and ladies.
I had the best time of my life up there on stage coz u guys were there.
The euphoric rush was inexplicable.
My performance is my gift to you.
Thanx again for the chocs and flowers esp from. Ian, Char, Mardi and Sanah.
Not forgetting all the other guys for their moral support. Thnx.
I would also like to thank my Cat High friends.
Eugene, Zhi Xian, Jay, Swee Leong and Vincent for turning up.
Our bond of friendship and brotherhood holds still.
Thanx once again.

Finally Oz the Muscial has come to an end.
And i am one who cannot deal with endings very well.
Good things never last. They never do.
Then again, i am glad and proud to say that i was ever part of such a bunch of professional dramtists.
It's really sad to see us leaving drama soon.
Something tugs at my heartstrings...
Soon we will step down...
Soon we will embark on a long battle with the 'A' levels.
Soon we won't see each other for sometime.
Or share that special bond btw us all drama members.
Soon we will walk each our own life journey.
Sadly.
If i really were the Timekeeper.
I would have stopped time and let us all indulge in this...
OZ will hold a very special meaning in my heart and soul.

Things keep falling...

Things simply keep falling lately.
Crashing round about me.
Sometimes much composed as i seem.
It's a stark contrasting world deep within.
I am pushed over the cliff.
Teetering precariously.
Barely grasping for survival.
My mind's off the edge.
I ask myself.
How did i manage to get through all the shit thrown full frontal.
I chucked it aside.
Sometimes i told myself i would plough through.
Reality says, "it went in the trash"
I'm not sure how i handle things.
I'm not sure how ppl see it.
Pushed to overload.
Perhaps i'm escaping.
Perhaps i should stamp my ground.
Firmament.
I need time...
Which is a luxury...

NYEDC ANNUAL DRAMA NIGHT

NYEDC ANNUAL DRAMA NIGHT is here!
Its original!
Music!
Script!
Dance!
It's an event not to be missed!
In YOUR lifetime!
Ok... i'm exaggerating.
Anw, it's still good stuff.
Our very own drama musical is titled 'OZ'
With the central plot in a corporate business scene.
Inspired by the original 'Wizard of Oz'.

Details are as follows:
'OZ' Drama Jazz Musical.
Date: 6 May (Friday, Gala nite with VIPs) 7 May (Saturday)
Time: 7.30 p.m.
Venue: NYJC campus, LT4.
Tickets are priced at $8 FLAT!
Pls do come EARLY to catch the good seats.
Free-seating!
AN EVENT NOT TO BE MISSED!
Presented to you by the NYEDC!!! =)

O.K.

Hm... Thinking...
Day dreaming...
Pondering...
Whatever.

Nothing.
Drama Nite's due in abt 3 weeks.
Everything's been crazy.
As always.
A bunch of us were just cutting up the tix.
Ended up with a sore right shoulder and forefinger.
Paper-cutting will never be the same again.
Right.

It's hard sometimes.
Everyone has their own dark secrets.
Undoubtedly i have mine.
More or less alone in this inner world of mine.
No one has seen.
Others might have.
It is but the tip of the iceberg.
Like everyone else.
I seek to hide my true self.
And exhibit only the desirable.
I wonder how i do it sometimes.
But i guess it's become 2nd nature to me now.
Ironic isn't it?
While our society extols honesty as a virtue.
Everyone technically is a living fallacy.
I suppose everyone's inner demons are screaming for release.
If that's not it.
Then i can be sure mine are.
Perhaps secrets are meant to be kept.
To some degree of secrecy.
It's painful to see someone pour out their sorrows.
Coz you know, painful as these may be.
A darker being lies submerged beneath the depths.
In the deepest dungeons of one's soul.
Caged.
Raging.
Paining.
Crying.
It's always idealistic of humans to try to seek release.
But how many truly acheive solace?
They are just buried.
Hidden but existing.
Waiting to burst forth from their grave another time.
Waiting to be drawn out.
Again.
As happy a world as we try to make ourselves believe in.
There is always a contrast of the 'underworld'.
How hypocritical we are.
Yet.
As the story of 'Pandora's Box' goes.
Perhaps there's a spirit of hope out there still.
Brushing and healing the wounds of many.
Scars remain.
However stay iconic to the lessons learnt.
Resilience of the human condition shows.
Our adaptability & flexibility that bends us to be what we are.
Humans.
Ever sophisticated.
Utopia, in a world like ours will never be met.
But, somehow if we strike a balance.
In confronting our troubles and appreciating happiness.
We would be better people.

"stream of consciousness flows unchanging"

Lit. Jargon.

Pathos. Although any figure of speech may be employed to evoke an emotional response, many figures are specifically designed to do so, or else are themselves functions of the emotional state of the speaker.

Bathos. Anticlimax with humorous effect; spurious pathos; triteness.

Hubris. Overbearing pride or presumption; arrogance: “There is no safety in unlimited technological hubris”

Hamartia. The character flaw or error of a tragic hero that leads to his downfall. Tragic Flaw.

Catharsis. Elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression.

So much for looking up the definitions.
I hardly understand any.
Ew.
What's more the stupid wireless crap's givin me hell.
Dammit.

Tuesday.

Damn i'm on a darn short fuse this April
People better pick their way about me.
There's just SO MUCH to do.
Simply unbelievable.
Unconceivable.
There's like schwork.
Studying (Not that i do)
Scripting to rush out VERY soon
Not to mention rehearsals that end around 8
Shagged.
And my Mom was about to ask me to do housework.
Instead of my sis.
Like what the hell!?
Screw it. Really.
It's a damn piss off day for me.
What's with the lousy D&D table allocation method.
Wonder what they use their brains for those nutters.

What's worse was that all my block test grades were horrible.
Marginal passes.
Even for Lit. Yes.
And I can't stand people who make snide remarks aside.
Burn in lakes of liquid sulfur.
Which didn't exactly serve to improve my mood in ANY way.
For the first time.
I slept thru most of GP.
Which was quite rare.
But I simply couldn't make myself kill braincells mulling over crappy issues
Sleep was helpful.

D&D payment and table booking was an ultimate disaster.
Lets put it as the debate gang.
The class discussed it to be supposedly 2 tables for A2.
And suddenly on monday.
This bombshell was dropped on me.
The debate gang formed their own table of 10 with A1B ppl.
So much for trust and open discussion when you guys do things unopenly.
It was a complete mess up.
The other part of the class couldn't make a proper table.
The other bombshell.
Albeit the larger one was dropped again on me.
The 4 guys made their own table.
We lacked 2 initially.
Tried to find 2 more 'imports'
Then this Jerry.
Didn't know what went on in his twisted head.
Decided to withdraw from the table.
Last minute on monday.
When payment was due tuesday.
HOW AM I EXPECTED TO FIND 3 ppl!?
So much for being friends when you broke your obligation to us so lightly.
I'm sure Terry would agree.
The initial deal was the table with us.
With YOU PS-ing at the last minute to join your soccer table.
Man. Screw his whatever-you-can-think-ofs.
Really now.
The day just wasn't ---- DAMMIT! Got called off to do laundry drying!
ANYWAY.
We were being kind by not blasting you.
Cause I really would.
Not if i wasn't that tired.
Don't overdo it, man.
Esp not bitchin to me about you doing your Lit. presentation.

The day's simply not gettin any better.
Drama was a complete killer.
Esp when it's choral training with Kellet.
Dancin - exhausting.
Don't light that fuse o'mine.
Ever.

Monday Blues...

Monday.
Is not a good day.
Never has been anyway.
So... Got back my Econs block test.
Barely made it with an E.
Not that it was surprising
It's juz depressing.
Sigh. Guess Econs juz doesnt work for me.
GP essay was also dissapointing.
Lit was sadly mediocre.
Oh... what's new?
Other than dreading Geog Paper's return.

Monday has always been a mentally draining day.
Especially when Drama Night's a little more than a month away.
Our dance sequences are not out.
Songs are not proficient.
Costumes not fully procured.
Our script is not even complete.
And that's my responsibility.
Which sux pretty much when school kills pretty much ALL of you creative cells.
And when i start writing?
I get headaches.
Literally banging my head.
On the keyboard.
On the drawer.
On my arms.
And on my writer's block.
OW.
Scriptwriting is hell when:
You don't have enough sleep.
You overexert your brain capacity
You physically exhaust your body so your brain is oxygen deficient.
You encounter a Monday. (Like today.)
You reboot your brain completely, much like a baby's
You are daydreaming.
You cannot concentrate and your thoughts wander off thinking of sinful connotations

In short.
Scriptwriting sux when you attend school.
Therefore.
School is detrimental to brain development.
I think i'm going to be retarded soon.
The fastest case of brain degradation and senility.

Many things i'd like to do but lack the strength to.
Also perhaps the willpower.
Sigh...
Stressful.
Or perhaps i shouldn't say that.
Because none is more QUALIFIED to say that other than BEN CHOONG.
4 As 2 S papers + GP
His highness's exact words.
No thanx for that poke.
For all his supposed intelligence.
He fails to see past the notion of individuality.
Who wants to be like him?
Go on! Lead a mugger's life.
Since brain cells are mere automaic nanobots
Rather than colourful musings and inspirations.
Go on! Lead an academist's life.
Coz books are dead and so are you!
I can't stand these people who impose authority without properly earning it.
Anyway.
Life goes on...
Guess i've no choice but to live it.

Dug Deep...

Ok... Hi readers...
Sounds pretty damn boring right?
Right.
Coz i'm still suffering from the detri"mental" effects of the "block" test.
I'm like a living blockhead of sorts.
Nthn witty today.
Not that i ever was really THAT witty
Bitchy rather.
Or so some people think.
Or most rather.
Not that i want to be associated that way.
Not that i want to be associated as flamboyantly gay.
Especially after i've been casted THAT role.
I don't want to.
But mannerisms are simply not a thing to change overnight.
In cliche terms. Rome was not built overnight.
I guess it was the way i got along with my friends.
Cat High friends.
Influence,
So immaterial
Yet so compelling.
Then again.
My character plays a part.
I can't help a need for flaunting.
But then i'm very self-consious.
I dont know how these 2 could ever co-exist.
But they do in an enigma like me.

---------

I don't feel like writin.
Not now.

Woot!
I made a new discovery!
I didnt know there was an arcade in Jubilee!
Woot!
Havent danced para para for ages.
Man, i'm startin to suck.
But now at least i know where to go.
LOL.

Ah...

Oops.
I've been lazy.
I admit.
Well...
Since I've juz read Geri's blog
So maybe i'll give my opinions
As i lead such a boring life that there's nothing to talk about.
For the concerned public.
My Godma's stable now...
Although she's still under observation
And needs to undergo the knife
But i'm sure everything will work out well
=)

So... Geri...
I met him in NYJC last year.
During the 2nd intake batch.
Didnt really get to know him until we were separated into our classes
O4A2.
For me A2 was a stark contrast to the cold and buaya class i had in CJC
Most would know as i make alot of noise about those horrid ppl.
So i found new hope here
i suppose.
Ya know, since we are all new.
Its natural to try to find similar allies.
And my very first associations were with Terry, Jerry and Emil
That association fast became friendship.
A fellowship named ridiculously as "The Koppies"
More preferably known as "The Aerries"
It wasn't surprising, for much of the year.
The class stuck by its many cliques.
I suppose me and a few others managed to break this barrier
And built many inter-clique friendships.
Especially during PW.
Torturous as PW was
It brought the class together of some sorts
HATING it as a class.
Ppl always bond like that.
Isn't it?
Well, i'm glad i got the chance to know Geri better.
As a friend, during OCIP China.
Though we shared different bunks.
We relied on each other quite alot
Or rather, me on him
As I was quite alien to all the new faces
They were ALL from the science faculty!
More or less we bonded.
To some sense
In that less inhibited world of 17 days.
I saw a side of him that i never saw.
Its hard to say.
Contrary to what we ALL see
An airhead.
A racist.
A Hokkien Beng
A big mouthed gossiper
I somehow thought i saw a little bit of his inner world.
His unshared space.
A voice within that actually is deep in thought
Or rather dormancy.
But that light within is flaring, alive, vibrant.
One little evidence is his sharing in Lit Drama Othello classes.
Its sometimes astounding to know that Geri is a deep thinker.
Its not.
Its just a little voice hidden, too shy to speak up.
One thats dwarfed by that Hokkien Beng ego.
Somehow i found a whole new Jerry.
One that ponders on issues.
One that is burdened by hidden burdens
One side unknown.

Just a little something for Jerry.
As a peer counsellor
Sharing problems won't appear whiny.
You don't have to stand up to the world alone.
Take support in friends.
Keeping it within is never good.
Its what brothers are for ya?

Life....

I'm not sure what to think.
My youthful sense of invincibility has again been shattered.
Once again i felt the true frailty of Life.
The flame.
No matter how vibrant.
Is vulnerable.
Is limited.
Is subject to forces beyond our ken.
Such is the fire of life.
It makes me think...
As if life for everyone is nothing but,
A mere candle.
Burning vivaciously towards our own demise.
Life's sad sometimes if seen that way.
But that's Life for you.

Such are the revelations that hit me.
When i saw my very own Godma on the hospital bed.
Weak. Fragile.
Hardly the hale and hearty woman that i am used to.
In her, i saw the pyres of vitality in her eyes.
So motherly.
Much of her life she dedicated to her children.
Her foster children (Me n Sis)
Her grandchildren (My 2 little angelic nephews)
Yet, she took pride in it.
She loved them all without discrimination.
Sometimes i feel more for her than my own mother...
She took care of me since i was 2
Till i was ready to take care of myself and had a maid.
She was with me when i grew up.
She made up my very first memories.
Memories of a warm bed.
Memories of a warm meal
And memories of a warm hug.
Even when i left her care
We visited regularly.
And i would be welcomed without hesistation.
Showered with hospitality.
It was like an uninhibited 2nd haven.
Even after we moved 7 years ago.
Things remained unchanged.
I would feel guilty about not visiting sometimes.
Then i would tell myself i could always do so the next week.
But still we were close.
I had often wondered how i would go on w/o her.
I never reached a satisfactory answer myself.

Until i saw her on the bed today.
I saw only a brief shadow of her past self.
I was crushed within.
My young nephews could not lift my burdened spirits.
I did all i could to alleviate her pain.
I wanted to chat.
So much.
But....
My knotted chest allowed nothing.
She had pancreatic inflammation
Or so i heard.
Thought it wasn't really serious.
Felt something was wrong when she wasn't in a common ward.
Found out she was in the ICU last week.
Found out she already has diabetes for 2 years.
She did not tell us...
ANY of us...
She just went on caring for us.
I suddenly felt very dwarfed by the magnanimity of her love.
I'm not sure if its critical.
But it's serious.
I sincerely hope she would pull through...
She has us to live for....
I wish she would find in her the willpower and motivation to live...

When i left
I held her hands
They were hard, dry and coarse.
All the more
I was heartbroken...
Tears fell forth from my face.

Screw this shit.

Damn i'm a bitchfit.
Atrocious
Uninmaginably unthinkable!
This has been THE worst year.
A hidden tax has been levied on my ang pow money.
I was like wtf?
Well, its not like i didn't know before
Just that this year was just horrible.
I knew it has to be something when my mum demanded to keep the ang pows till the 15th.
Dammit.
Usually the lowest never exceed $6
Now its $4...
I just can't keep it inside and not say anything about this...
EXTORTION.
What made it worse that she was whining about it even b4 we received the money.
She was sayin things like...
"Oh.. some ppl couldnt give becos they just had a funeral.."
"Oh.. you know this-and-this newly weds did not give.."
S-I-C-K-E-N-I-N-G.
I mean... i usually would accept this crap a few years back when i was more idiotic.
And we were still in the recession.
But hey... noticed i have grown a LITTLE more intelligent?
Guess not.
I know she gave alot of ang pows and kept sayin..
"You know all these are still the money i gave out, just that you got it differently"
Yadda Yadda.
"And so i still have the RIGHT to take them"
Talk about giving the younger generation 'blessing' with ang pows
Yea, just gimme the empty ang pows.
They are 'blessing' enough.
You can't fool me now with something even the blind can tell.
3 things i cannot stand
Her conventional ways.
Her rigid manners.
Her assertion as sole breadwinner she commands all.
Her belief that children owe complete obsience to their parents.
You know what?
I so want to lash it all out at her.
I mean hell with all decorum.
I at least deserve a modicum of respect.
She could do the least to tell me and ASK me.
Then she could have asserted her authority to DEMAND it from me.
Even then i would not be feeling so CHEATED
Pretty ironic you see, they do what they tell you NOT to do.
Thats parents.
And somehow they manage to wiggle their way out with the superiority of AGE.
Oh! Come on!
Dammit. Out.

Malicious Thoughts

The twisted hand of Fate.
I want to ask why... sometimes
I cannot help but feel... insignificant
I used to think of myself as the centre of the world when i was younger
I used to think of myself as some popular kid in sch when i was primary
I used to think of myself as some class honourary member when i was secondary
Now.
Its all changed.
Nobody notices you.
To everyone, you are but another co-existin being on this Earth.
You are worthless to everyone except the friends you know.
Some 'friends' are even degradatory to our own self esteem and self worth.
All in all.
I am but a less than negligible form of existence in all that exists.
It felt bad.
Natural instincts try to increase our self worth.
As if that wasn't enough.
Why did Fate have to play a part in all this?
I can almost see the smirk on its arrogant face.
We can never understand why things are why things are.
Why tragedies and miracles have to happen?
If you say happy endings are a thing to strive for to escape tragedies.
I say its a sick joke.
Its a laughing matter.
Its crap, rubbish, garbage, shit and what-have-yous....
To hell with it.

It is the natural order of things to attain equilibrium.
Yin & Yang
Light & Dark
Good & Bad
Men & Women
Then with you being better off, some other guy on the other side of the globe will get the bad karma you discarded?
If everything was designed to be perfect.
Why this?
Why do we come to this supposed 'beautiful' world only to suffer and tryin to acheive happiness?
What is the whole point?
Why do get born, only to mug a quarter of your life away, slog to death for a half, and endure sickness in transit to a peaceful death?
Tell me its God's plan to put us through the mill to cultivate strength of character.
And what after?
We don't even know.
We think its either heaven of hell because a supposed board of people who thought that they were enlightened interpreted the stars and strange lights in the sky for a higher being.
Haven't you noticed its all speculation and blind belief?
I may be harsh.
But thats what it is isn't it?
Save me the blabber that God exists in our hearts
And non believers will be banished to hell
Or purgatory.
Did you not know the Church was the most influential and corrupt force back in the Middle Ages all the way to the Renaissance.
How can you be so assured of whats right of whats taught now in Churches?
It cannot be substantiated.
Sometimes, i really question....
Why? WHY? WHY!
I won't end my life.
It would be silly
I will live on and not succumb
If its strength of character.
SO be it.
I do not live for the sake of redemption.
I live for myself, if it was really meant to be that way.
Prove me wrong, powers that be!

Oh wow......

New Year's Eve is today.
Not bad for a hectic day
Juz hoped that our celebrations could have ended earlier
AJ ended at 9.45
Crappy.
And my AJ frens went back to Cat High Pri to visit
Later met them at CHSec
It was nice
Saw many nice old frens
Saw some people that i would avoid
Saw some not very nice juniors gossiping abt me
Jade earrings and what not...
Raymond and Lip Yong
You are on my wanted list.
With a bounty on your head to have incurred my wrath.

Constantine opens today.
Went out with 6 gd frens
Kelvin
Eugene
Swee Leong
Jay
Raymond
Ho Zong
Constantine was good.
4.5 stars from me.
VERY cool action
Sleek style from Keanu Reaves of course
Great play on the in betweens
Stunning effects
Heaven and Hell
Redemption and Condemnation
Gettin stuck in between isn't very pleasant
Especially with semi-demons lurking
Demi-angels pretty much helpless.
Btw, its not nice being psychic
Or having the 3rd eye
Many underlying dark notions
Not for the faint-hearted
Nor the religious
Perfect for believers
For the clueless?
Just sit back and stone and gape about the effects and sound
It was masterfully done.
A must-watch. =)

Some Saturday...

So... its been some time since i have blogged
And i'm surprised some people made noise
So i'll satisfy your desire for gossip
Here.
Then again
It's not really gossip.
Simply a day in my perspective.
Right?
Ugh.
I sound like some gossip guru...
Well.
The NY Debate Soc had their invitationals today
And I was juz chairing one room.
I guess you could say it was exciting yet boring concurrently.
This 1st round was fun.
With HCJC and VJC shooting verbose bullets at each other.
Me and Terry sittin there enjoying the carnage.
Giggling at girls with ultra short skirts.
Meanwhile trying to catch a hint of their bombastic language and economic jargon...
Man... was i suffering
What with 'veto', 'imperative', altruistic', 'over-specialisation', 'political arms twisting'
Yadda yadda.
Actually, i had no problems.
Suppose it was Terry who had the blanker look.
Oops.
Don't catch this post =P
What was funny was this VJ J1 guy.
He got 'POI'ed by ALL the Hwa Chong girls
And guess what?
He accepted everything.
Which was 4 POIs all together.
Guess he couldnt withstand their charm
Or venom rather...
He only missed one cause he turned around in time
Leaving the HC gal feelin pretty stupid.
After the adrenaline pumpin Round 1
Rounds 2 and 3 pales in comparison
I was begginin to feel idiotic reading the same thing again... and again... AND again....
So i shan't elaborate anymore.
Lest i lose more precious brain cells
IF i had any left...

Apparently i still had some 'emergency' reserves
Which were revived after i tickled Char abt her fashion sense.
Again.
Which was very fun i must say =)
Earlier today i was talkin to Ian
I figured there must be a reason for Ian being Ian
Right.
You dont get it.
Ian for being so extravagant.
He said.
He found no meaning in life
He needed something to substantiate his existence
Material comfort gave him his reason
He failed to find solace in the spiritual aspect
For 10 years.
I suppose he finally gave up.
I personally didn't agree.
Firstly, why i didn't do what Ian does
Is because i simply cannot afford to do so
Secondly.
For my existence, there must be some reason.
So i live to find the reason to live...
But then again.
I can only understand.
The immense feeling of loss
The big question of why?
What is the meaning of life?
What are we living for?
For education?
For our parents?
For our friends?
For fun?
For sex?
For fuck's sake?
FOR WHAT?

Sometimes...
I guess we all can't help but feel it.
The inquisitive need to know.
The sudden rush of nothingness.
Some say, that is what religion is for?
For something to focus and sate our hunger
But then again, the very same problem of loss we face now
Were faced by peoples of the past.
Then why can't religion be simply a tool created by Man to satisfy and quell the loss?
Because there is simply no credible evidence for the existence of a higher being.
Then again, i'm not denying His Greatnesses' existence
Just that we can never be sure.
Ironically, we are only sure because we BELIEVE it to be sure.
For all we know, there may just be that simple answer to this mind-boggling, never ending inquisition.
Faith.
It is what we live on.
Live for.
For now.
All in all.
I believe that religion is simply a ingenious farce invented by Man to give an answer to his own doubts about his existence.
Till then, we still go on living life.

Sinful Indulgences...

Ow.
This is not a good way to start a good weekend.
I had muscles sore enough after a crazy Friday.
With PE and badminton trainin.
Now, i had to torture myself collecting newspapers on Saturday.
OW...
They flare with every tiny flex.
Agony of agonies.
Urgh...
It was good though.
At least most of the class went for lunch together.
I had 2 immense chicken chops with spaghetti.
Bloated.
I can't remember when was the last time i was that bloated.
Anyways...
After a hard day's work
And a good lunch.
We all went home.

It was a blissful sleep
Until Ian called to go to town with Char
I awoke.
Unusually groggy.
Couldnt even sit up proper in bed.
My body was raging in pain.
In the end, feeling stupid...
I had to roll off...
-_-"

We cabbed down to Heeren
Char went window shopping
For a piece of very reavealing fabric that served no practical purpose
At least she had to sense NOT to buy it.
We then went to Cineleisure.
The entire building was covered with the Pepsi Fire and Ice ad.
Kinda overwhelming.
Imagine being immersed in blue and red hues everywhere u went.
We then caught the Fockers.

Goodness, it was hella fun.
Utter ingenuity.
Cheers to the production team.
It was completely stuffed with sexual innuendoes.
Ben Stiller aka Gaylord Focker...
What kind of a father would name his son liddat?
The little boy was soooo adorable
"Asss..... HOLE....."
LOL. Hell.
The dumb dog humping the cat.
'Honk if you are horny' thingy....
Slapstick shit. Haha.
And Barbara Streisand being a sex therapist.
The whole thing was wacky.

Ian brought us to the Hyatt Hotel.
For dinner at mezzo 9
The whole place was so delightful.
I was taking in the delicate interior design with its soft lighting and appropriate choice of music
Fine dining at its best.
I guess i shouldnt be describing the sensory stimulations here.
It would be inexplicable.
Words. Ah, the failure of my language.
It would be best savoured yourself.
Charmaine... Charmaine...
She wont ever learn.
We all know the effects of the volatile combination of Charmaine and alcohol
Forming a disastrous compound called Crazy Char.
She got a vanilla snow.
I downed most of it, leaving some sips for her.
Then left this last considerable bit.
I was abt to finish it when she snatched it and downed everything.
The resultant effect was...
Not good.
She almost immediately burst into a fit of senseless giggles as shock registered on my face.
There would be no turning back.
It was kinda embarassing.
Losing composure like that in a place of fine dining.
Like mezza 9.
She was dropping her food.
Laughin senseless.
Saying gibberish.
People might have got the wrong idea u know.
2 guys with 1 drunk lass.
But well, things pretty much sobered up to some extent later
It was midnight when we got home.
Exhausting day it was.
OUT.

Bleah

A rather boring start.
As always with Ng Kim Teck's geog tutorial.
As always ending up as an iceblock afterwards.
Then, it was Econs tutorial.
I dreaded it.
Not becoz of the teacher, but becoz of the subject itself.
Didn't i mention Econs just wasn't me?
Argh, fuckin irritating pop-ups.
We were doin the Price Indexes thingy.
It was the worst.
Not only did i have to deal with Econs, but also calculus.
SICK...
Curse that bitch of a Jerry to laugh.
Abysmal idiot.
-_-"...
Hope you are reading this.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful.
Slackin for 2 hours in btw lectures.
Had fun with badminton today.
Taught a few ppl....
Like Jerry....
Wonder why i did that....
But then again i got my revenge b4 teachin him.
Caught him in the shoulder with a smash.
Haha. =P!
Btw, i must think of something to counter Zhi Xian and curb my lob shot weakness.
Icky mistakes.

After sch was rather sian.
Had to go for this STOOPID make-up session with CCS
Yuk!
And Su Zhen was turned into a hag.
That was ticklish =).
Ended disgustingly late tho.
And i just got home.
What a waste of my precious time....

Guess i might as well...

I had felt a sort of longing for Xinhui Primary School, it was like a sort of attachment to the school, the young children, the warm and friendly teachers, and especially our marvelous cook, Da Shen. A part of me refused to let go, unable to make myself leave the premises that felt like a second home to me.

I began to think, such was the carefree lifestyle that the people there led, unfettered by things going on in the outside world, they enjoy life living in a world of their own. At first, I felt sorry for the people, having to live in such a harsh and bleak environment, but after I interacted with the children, made small talk. I began to understand that they were happy with whatever they had. It did not matter to them that they did not have things like cameras, proper toilets or sleek new facilities. They live life contented with what they had. Something us Singaporeans could probably never achieve. Unlike them, we live in a competitive society. We have to fight to get what we want. It was hard for me to learn to treasure things I have, because I did not see their worth. I simply wanted them for the sake of wanting them, as if they were a measure of someone's overall outlook. But after the trip, I learned one thing from the children, I treasure what I have and am contented with it. It was pointless having something I do not treasure, it would just be a piece of trash in my hands and I would rather it be a treasure in someone else’s hands.

Being away so long from the rigours of city living, it was expected to have some kind of withdrawal syndrome due to the stark inconvenience of things. I admit I had it for the first 3 days at most, then it vanished, Xinhui felt like home. Getting away from the hustle and bustle of city life had its benefits. It allowed me time to myself, a time so precious I would never have in the fast-paced lifestyle in Singapore. At long last, I had a chance to look into myself and discover for myself my strengths, my weaknesses, my personality and my identity, I saw what kind of a person I was. I would try to change my weakness and fortify my strengths. Hopefully, to make myself a more acceptable person to others. I tried to open my introverted nature as much as I could and I found out that everything was not so bad if people were willing to be honest with each other. Something, which rarely happens in a society like ours.

What the project achieved was that it laid each and everyone of us bare, honest, good or ugly. We saw each other, forgave their faults and encouraged whatever was good. In this short time, we forged strong friendships that would last many, many trials

Aaron Lim Si Ru 04A2

New style in town!

Well, its been a long time... i figured that maybe i want to try something new
Something informal.
I'm new, so can't really grasp it yet, jane n jerry would know what it's like.
So... noticed yet? =)
I think i t feels more casual to the reader anyway
The first time i came across this
It felt so close
There were no barriers
As if the blogger was juz standin there bloggin away at your face
Thats how i like it, hope i captured the stylistic breaks
Then again, it'll take time
Then again, i may get sued for piracy =P

I think i'm becomin lazy...
Come to think of it...
I've always been.
Not much of a difference eh?
Ya.
I thought so, just tryin not to think so badly of myself.
Well. My weekend's... 'Bleah!' =P
I had to do spring cleaning, which involves your average mom turning into a obnoxious droid commander, shooting off orders like a rapid-fire laser gun at ME. -_-"
I often wondered how i had ever survived?
Luckily, i found some solace with an outing with frens on Saturday, so i wasn't overworked mindlessly.
I enjoy sanity, and hold it dearly, and would not want to abandon myself to insanity, for the sake of mundane household chores.
As i said. We caught Elecktra.
Jennifer Garner was, well, stunning in red leather tights wielding 2 rais(her dagger-like weapons)
Somehow, the rest of the plot didn't quite carry along.
The story was clipped, less than satisfactory fight scenes (with it being barely satisfactory was Jenn Garner whipping around with impossibly elastic moves).
The movie somehow didn't befit the era now, it would be more of a hotshot flick if it was ever aired a decade ago.
Yes, that was the standard, rather criticism i gave.
I am more anticipating the opening of 'Constantine' =)
Charmed fans, do watch out for the season finale the following 2 Wednesdays.
Blog Out.

Owwww....

Hey, its a tuesday. Duh... not a bad one... know why? Cause there's NO ECONS! Haha... econs really drives me nuts, i can literally tear my hair out trying to comprehend, link, let alone DO the tutorials... Guess i'm a goner. Geog lecture would have been extremely dead when Ng Kim Teck's lecturing and freezing us with those cold jokes of his, had not been for the awesome video clip on vulcanicity. It was good, we saw Mt St Helens collapse, Pinatubo exploding, and those Hawaiian shields spewing forth all they've got... Spectacular, amazing how destructive Nature can be? But at the same time aesthetic as well? Erie... Like some dark paradox. Lit was as usual, could have died from over-sweetening. Everything thing else went ok.

For afternoon PE today, we did the 5 stations, coz we alr did the 2.4km run last week. I was rather surprised at myself, for shuttle run i did 10.2, i know its not amazing, but it was quite close to my other fren who did 9.8, i used to do like 11 odd last time =) Then came pull ups... haiz... rather unthinkable that i'll be able to do it. It was at the monkey bars, coz our pull up bars along with the basketball courts are under-construction. So... dumpin everythin outta my mind, i gave it all, eyes scrunched up. My eyes opened in shock when i realised i actually lifted my chin to the bar, i was so surprised. i did 2 it didnt count coz my chin just reached the bar n didn't go over. Oh but who cares? I didn't make it for broad jump. So no further mention.

After PE, i sat down at the grandstand, for the longest time waitin for my fren whos playin soccer to go for some first aid massage course. I waited nearly 40 mins not really moving. When i stood up finally, suddenly this snapping pain shot through both my legs, OW. Pure agony to stand or squat. My leg muscles simply locked up, bunched tight together, couldn't really manuver well. Guess what? I had badminton training str8 after the first aid thing. Hell, during training my legs were on fire, and my footwork was erratic due to the pain shooting away. Ugh. Bad, bad, bad, bad......

Btw, for Charmed tmr, its 'Reality Check' with demons organising this reality tv show, interested? Catch it on 5 at 8.30pm.

-_-"

I'm in school now. I am officially zoned out. Blank. Void. Empty.

I'm at home now. Today was fucked up. Yes, totally, abysmally, revoltingly FUCKED UP. I never felt more stupid than i ever did. Now, don't ever say, idiotic, spastic or lame things to me tmr. Not even a hint.

So... So... Lost...

Ah... i'm so shagged. Just got home after trainin. We gotta new coach this time, and now, trainin is even tougher than b4, we have to run 4 rounds as warm up then further stretchin then intense footwork trainin... Ow, i can almost feel the familiar ache of my muscles. The worst thing is that trainin is on tuesday and friday, i have PE on both days, i end at 12.10 on friday and badminton trainin starts at 5... This sux...

I feel lost. Suddenly. Like i've lost my path in life. I don't know what to look forward to. I don't know what to strive for. Suddenly, this profound loss left me paralzyed. I dunno why, but I would have these 'blank-out' instances sometimes, where I am at a complete loss, like my memory has been erased or something. Sigh, maybe its stress at school, maybe is stress everywhere, maybe its everything going wrongly at the wrong time.

Like a lost soul, adrift, adrift, adrift....

New Blogskin?

Goodness gracious me..., my tagboard's damn sad man.... so empty... Is it because my blogskin's too dull? I guess not everyone's a Charmed Fan.... =P Ok.... in a bid for wanting more tags, i shall work to change my blogskin! Cause everyone's just taggin by saying they tagged and for me askin them to...? I feel horrible.... =( Some friends u guys are... =P

Pensive...

I'm am pensive, not sure what of, just simply pensive. Deep in thought, shrouded in my own reality. Wondering about everything. Somehow, i targeted the recent spate of events. The tsunami. It descended pain and misery upon its victims. What was its purpose? Was it really a doing of a Higher Being, to punish Man for his sins? But why South East Asia, where the people lived innocent and happy lives, why not the scheming and conceited countries in other parts of the world? Was it simply His way of population control? Were the victims sacrificed as a means to evoke compassion once again in this steely world? Was it simply natural occurence? Or Fate? WHAT is the reality of things? We cannot explain...

And what i find most depressing and distressing is the avariciousness of Man in this time of disaster. I guess it's simply Man's nature to be selfish and keep the best for himself. Therefore, unity in its truest sense is unattainable, because we cannot even attain unity among fellow human beings, even the one same species of animals unite in strength against vicious foes. Ironically, us humans, the most intelligent beings on this very Earth, cannot abstain from the temptations of internal strife, expects to exact their judgements and manner upon others and subjugate them to their will and political power-plays and threats. We cannot, over so many millenia of evolution acheive unity, for all our ingenuity, for all our philosophies, for all that we are now, unity still remains a faraway ideal...

Why? It is a question to ask the world.

I've been feeling so many things at once recently, from everywhere. Home, school, the news, friends. Somethings just make me want to ask so many whys. I don't exactly know why i'm writing this post at all, but i feel as if there is something hidden within me that i do not know of...

I do not know whats wrong with me, once again, i lost my temper and shouted at my sister. Now... i feel so guilty... The poor thing, now i feel its unfair to her, why did i have to do that just because we couldn't agree? I am disappointed with myself that i could not control my frustrations and temper and irritation and so many other emotions that i needed to vent out. I was closed in, and unwittingly she became my only source of release. I'm truly repentant. I just couldn't help it. At times, i would feel absolutely powerless, weak, helpless, at the mercy of all around me, at the mercy of Fate and Destiny. I felt like a pawn, like there were so many other things in the world i am wrongfully ingnorant of.

I guess i went beyond the limit break, and blew my top.

So many things are just out of reach, as inventive, adaptable, innovative we humans are, advancing at lightspeed over the centuries, even with a vast cache of all information we could garner, even on this tiny Earth (in galactic proportions). Compared to all that exist, we are but so infinitesimal, insignificant, inconsequential to the workings of the Grand Design. So left with no answers, all we could do is question... Why did terrorists have to destroy the WTO. Why did SARS come about along with other incurables. Why did the tsunami have to cost South East Asia so many lives and property loss? WHY did humanity come to this world to live a life like this? Is that why we chose to seek the Higher Existences/Beings (God) to direct us in our blind path?

So many questions... Who answers? I will continue this the next posting, do drop comments on my blabbering. =|

Oops!

Yep, sorry i had to zip away just like that. Had a horrible day at school really, completely zeroed out. Brain-dead. I had PE... which required running 6 rounds (and i don't have fantastic stamina) and doin PT, actually it wasn't too bad, but i had drama prac right after, which requires me to juggle 3 roles in 2 short plays. So... i'm onstage most of the time, sayin, no strainin my poor voice tryin my best to project my voice. Now my vocal cords are achin, after all those runs of Sing to the Dawn, with me nearly dying at the not so high notes... Ouch.

And if that wasn't bad enough, i only ended like 7+. Normally, i would take 20 minutes to take 156 and change to 13, 54 or 88, but since i was with Ben, i had to take 53 and change to 162, this time, the cursed 162 took abt half an hour to come, in the end resulted with me reaching home at 8, exhausted and hungry. XP

The bazaar is tmr. Dammit, gotta remember lines. And another dammit, i still haven't started on homework. Certified Dead.

School... juz another part of life... But, I HATE IT!

Helo, haha, im postin this post in school now. Im like at drama practice, but we haven't really started yet, so im usin the console, the rest of the guys are just goin around doin publicity. Stuff, ya know...

School's been really bad, well at least not bad to the fact that all the teachers are threatening us with knives at out necks for our holiday homework, but giving extra homework isn't exactly nice. Econs was the worst, we have ... er i gtg now, gotta help, brb...

Last day of the hols... first day of sch impending....

This... is what i have been dreading all this while... Somehow, somewhen during the hols, i keep having this urge of wanting to return to school more than ever because home just felt so restrictive, like a cage, and the threat of utter boredom was enough to drive me nuts. Yet now, when school's about to start, i'm thinkin otherwise. Yep, because i haven't finished my homework, and now my poor conscience is killin me, self torture... Ugh, i hate it. Haiz, i probably won't sleep well tonight.

I'll look forward to seeing my class and the whole of Team Xinhui again, it'll be really nice, but school and homework and seeing frens again, isn't a very good combination, if only... if only... But then again what can i do? I'll just wait and see what the next day has in store for me. Nothing good, i guess =(

Back to reality.

Man... reality is comin back, faster than ever... The reality of homework is inescapable, dammit, its so irritatin, so inconsequential, like some spastic fly hovering around your ear. For now, i juz wanna crush that pathetic fly, but its simply so elusive and unhittable.... blardy hell. I really wanna just take my homework, throw it into some raging fire and just sleep away the first day of school. Sadly, i realised the consequences will come crushing down. Sick man, i hate this world... Come to think of it, who doesn't? Look at all the shit its throwing at us... Reality...? I often wonder if its a good or bad thing?

Sometimes... i really dun wanna know, if i have to rack my brains and come up with nothing but frustrations, i'd rather live a world of fantasies... Crappy... Totally crappy. Fucked up. Any kinda rubbish in the world you simply don't have time for, but simply have to face. Wish they would all burn in hell. Wonder why we have to go thru our precious life dealin with all these TRASH!? Nothin's perfect, guess thats it, the PERFECT answer to all imperfections... Screwed up. Sometimes, i just wanna SHOUT OUT. But no, the society won't take that kinda crap from me, because of all the petty things they have to keep in motion. RIDICULOUS.

This life is meaningless, if we can't live it the way we like it, as least in a way we like and won't harm ppl, yet somehow, we all gotta conform to all the shit society tells us to do... Rules, laws, fashion, whatnot? YOU KNOW WHAT? FOR ONCE I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A DAMN!

Screw homework. Really. I don't give it a fucking care no more. I'll just take wadever awaits me in school, dammit. I'm BURNT OUT. I'm BEAT. I'm SHAGGED. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! Take that, and say no more.

P.S. Sorry bout the shout-out. Take it or leave it.

New Blogskin!!!

HA! HA! HA! I finally got miself a new blogskin, kinda like it, spent hours workin my way round it, finally it became what it is now. Hope you guys like it too, yea, Charmed, spells, i know, i can't help it =). Yay!

Many surprises await discovering in this new year of 2005

Before i move on... i would like to observe a sacred minute of silence for all the unfortunate victims and their families of the earthquake cum tsunami disaster that hit the Maldives, Sri Lanka, India, Phuket, Penang, Pattaya, Pi Pi Island, Thailand, West Malaysia and Aceh, Sumatra.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 40. 41. 42. 43. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60... My deepest condolences go to those who were afflicted by the terrible wrath of nature, such is the true reality of this world.

Ok... mourning aside, let us with open arms usher in the New Year with new begginings! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ONE AND ALL!!! Haha, well today... no i meant the LAST day of year 2004... It got off on a rather sour note, woke up late with a really bad hair day, plus my greatest pals couldn't make it to celebrate the new year with me... Sigh, i guess we could make up for that some other time... Something juz kinda felt so wrong, the eve felt so repressive, there was no air of rejoice or excitement nearing the end of 2004, so, i felt fucked up totally, giving everyone a black face. Yuck! To make things worse, accidentally dropped my mp3 player on the ground cause the earphones kinda caught on the edges of the table and jerked the player outta my grasp... And it dropped with a light clatter on the tiled floor... I checked it immediately for any damages, guess what? It hangs when it starts up, so its pretty much useless. I was absolutely pissed at myself for my utter idiocy and was cursing inwardly throughout, however i was in a rush for time to get to my godma's place for dinner so i stuffed it into my bag and rushed away wearing my old worn-out slippers. Running down the steps to the traffic light, my foot stepped on a little puddle of water and suddenly all friction abandoned the bottom of my slippers, causing me to swing my arms madly as i tried to regain my balance until my sis caught me. Feeling completely disgusted at all the happenings today, i exploded, cursing and swearing and hurling expletives in every possible manner, thank goodness there was hardly anyone in the vicinity except for my sister.

At my godma's place, i got my godsis's husband (who's the techy guy) to have a look at my offending mp3 player which was the cause of all my frustrations. He looked at it skeptically, turned it on (where it hangs), squats down to the ground, clatters it lightly a few times against the ground... i stood there agape, wondering what was going on, he then turned to me, handed it over, and all i could see on that white LCD screen was the main menu. I was even more flabbergasted, like how the hell did he do that? I checked the sound was perfect. So then, my mood lightened considerably, even more so with the company of my adorably cute little 5 year old nephew.

At home, we were playin mahjong, at first i was pissed cause i lost the first few rounds when my mum kept winning a step ahead of me. Things got better later as i got a few 'zi muo's one or 2 'man guan's and a 'ban se' plus 3 consecutive 'hu's that probably covered my than enough of my losses beforehand.

Well... well... the new year doesn't look too bad after all, just that i still have homework left undone -_-" Oh... damn... But, then again, what the hell? =)