Malicious Thoughts

The twisted hand of Fate.
I want to ask why... sometimes
I cannot help but feel... insignificant
I used to think of myself as the centre of the world when i was younger
I used to think of myself as some popular kid in sch when i was primary
I used to think of myself as some class honourary member when i was secondary
Now.
Its all changed.
Nobody notices you.
To everyone, you are but another co-existin being on this Earth.
You are worthless to everyone except the friends you know.
Some 'friends' are even degradatory to our own self esteem and self worth.
All in all.
I am but a less than negligible form of existence in all that exists.
It felt bad.
Natural instincts try to increase our self worth.
As if that wasn't enough.
Why did Fate have to play a part in all this?
I can almost see the smirk on its arrogant face.
We can never understand why things are why things are.
Why tragedies and miracles have to happen?
If you say happy endings are a thing to strive for to escape tragedies.
I say its a sick joke.
Its a laughing matter.
Its crap, rubbish, garbage, shit and what-have-yous....
To hell with it.

It is the natural order of things to attain equilibrium.
Yin & Yang
Light & Dark
Good & Bad
Men & Women
Then with you being better off, some other guy on the other side of the globe will get the bad karma you discarded?
If everything was designed to be perfect.
Why this?
Why do we come to this supposed 'beautiful' world only to suffer and tryin to acheive happiness?
What is the whole point?
Why do get born, only to mug a quarter of your life away, slog to death for a half, and endure sickness in transit to a peaceful death?
Tell me its God's plan to put us through the mill to cultivate strength of character.
And what after?
We don't even know.
We think its either heaven of hell because a supposed board of people who thought that they were enlightened interpreted the stars and strange lights in the sky for a higher being.
Haven't you noticed its all speculation and blind belief?
I may be harsh.
But thats what it is isn't it?
Save me the blabber that God exists in our hearts
And non believers will be banished to hell
Or purgatory.
Did you not know the Church was the most influential and corrupt force back in the Middle Ages all the way to the Renaissance.
How can you be so assured of whats right of whats taught now in Churches?
It cannot be substantiated.
Sometimes, i really question....
Why? WHY? WHY!
I won't end my life.
It would be silly
I will live on and not succumb
If its strength of character.
SO be it.
I do not live for the sake of redemption.
I live for myself, if it was really meant to be that way.
Prove me wrong, powers that be!