It's been a long while

It's been a long while since i had updated, since the beginning of NAG 4, the last quarter of our deployment. Now we are coming to the end. Heading for Bahrain soon, then back home. Many many things have happened over the long course of time and i simply do not know where to start. Many times i find myself caught up in something i wish i was never part of, half the time i'm fighting tooth and nail to free myself. It hasn't been an easy journey, i had never expected it to be easy, this has been a sore test, for me and everyone else, hopefully i'll emerge a stronger person after all this.

I've seen many things, learned many things and i can say for certain, people are never really who they are. It's a scary notion, much as i am loathe to admit it. One can be so easily condemned, forever marked, and despite the best he gives, it can all be twisted with a sly play of words, insinuated against, manipulated, all with a smiling face. It disgusts me. Yet under the curse of Pandora's Box, there still is hope, minute as it is, it's efforts inexorable, i'm thankful i've still friends to lean on, that there's still a glimmer of hope in this grim world.

I'm having alot of mixed feelings, i really enjoy the freedom of sailing, as much as we are confined onboard a ship, lying spread-eagled on the flight deck, with nothing but the clear sky and cold winds, seeing nothing but the endless seas, part of me doesnt want to go home. I want to exult in this freedom longer. It doesnt compare to the freedom back at home, a freedom that is marked by boundaries that constantly shift to strangle. But home calls all the same, the sense of familiarity a warm fuzzy feeling, of friends and family, familiar places and the roots of my life.

Wednesday 1017H 03.12.08

It is officially the last day in the Northern Arabian Gulf (NAG), the last few hours we'll ever see of the oil platforms, the coalition warships, the tugs bumming about and the constant activity that we are here for, everyday 24/7. Suddenly there is a sudden sense of loss, of emptiness, a loss of purpose and direction, and i'm left floundering and bereft. I simply can't help this melancholy. Such bittersweet memories. We have come so far for so long, for a moment i thought it would never end. But i delude myself, all good things come to an end, don't they. It's the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. Honestly, i'm a little intimidated by the big unknown ahead. Strange what time does to you, no? It's a scary and exciting thought. Time is one thing i cannot fight and hope to win.

-When reality fades into memory...-