When push comes to shove...

There's always a breaking point.
And i feel like i've juz passed that.
There is juz so much to express.
Yet words are so limited.
Or maybe i'm juz ineffectual in my expression.
Freedom is a tantalizing gift.
A gift greater than gold.
Yet something feels amiss...
Behind this deceptive facade of bliss.
A darkness lingers within me.
Something i cannot banish...
I can't seem to let myself go.
I'm a mess of conflict.
It holds me ever so subtly but firmly.

I yearn for the moment when i can cast myself afloat.
Free... without the fear of reprisal.
The how... I have to figure it out in my road of life.
Life makes tough demands.
But let us not forget the sweet fruits of labour it also brings.
Count our blessings indeed.

Existential angst.
Perhaps...
That's another big question mark.
I've come to a standstill.
A crossroads in life that needs decisions.
But i don't decide easily.
Maybe i shan't worry for now.
Cast these reservations aside...
And listen to the voice within...

I want to protest.

It's MY room.
But i don't stay much in it.
Which sucks.
And i don't appreciate it being taken over.
Much less taken for granted.
Even less so,
Taking possesion.
That is a violation of privacy.

My dear sister,
Would you mind not turning my room -
Into your personal dumpster for the week.
Before returning it to me?
Much less.
LENDing MY things to people i don't even know.
Even so.
Could you have the decency to get it back?
It's been a week and the book i asked for -
Is still in someone else's possesion.
How RUDE.
I would appreciate if you'll only use the bed.
And radio if you please.
Or the table and chair if you need.
But others are my things.
I STILL live in my room.
Thank You.

Oh yeah. Screw Viper and Taurus for fucking Ulysses up during the enlistment of new recruits.
Thanks so much.
Cat calls and jeering... Juvenile and deprived.

After wearing the iron choker.

Kinship and friendship.
Something i never really thought about.
Everything here is about me, myself and i.
It's time i pay some tribute.
I thought i was able to withstand everything.
So long as i set myself to it.
It seems so easy.
Setting myself a target.
Yet, i crumbled beneath the pressure.

I fell sick twice.
MCs stretching into my book out times.
Agonising to feel so powerless and weak.
Completely dependent on someone else's care.
My Mum.
She took care of me by day and by night.
Always checking on me from time to time.
I took it for granted in the past.
Now, it touched me deeply.
I felt loved.

Relatives. Phoned in to enquire about me.
All concerned and worried.
Esp my Grandma and Godma.
Many thanks for such wonderful family.
I felt loved.

Many friends, close and new.
Called, smsed.
Sent their regards wherever they were.
I never knew...
A simple msg.
A simple call.
Could mean so much.

I wanna thank:
Kelvin & Genie for your friendship.
Do well in SISPEC! Cheers =)
Jerry and Char for giving time.
I won't die yet bro.
And Char, i want a treat!
Not the least of course.
Are my newest friends - bunkmates.
Thanks all of you.
Lan again sometime.
Gotta get Russell! And Kevin! And Alvin!

Thank God for blessing me with such wonderful angels.

treasure what i have lost.

Yes, the army is capable of that.
Things i have taken for granted.
Snatched cruelly from me.
And there is nothing i can do.
I'm like a pathetic beggar,
Beggin for my previous life.
The strict regiments strip away all sense of individuality.
And i'm changed into some mindless puppet.
I lost myself.
Booking is a priviledge.
A gift of sanity.
The whole experience has been numbing.
3 weeks in there.
I have forgotten all of my social life.
The only thing i want to do is to fall into blissful slumber.
Oblivion.
That is my only solace.
But even that is reduced because of the unearthly hours we are required to wake from.
If only the night would last longer.
That is where i find myself again.
Only to lose it in the day.
Tekong life aint too bad.
It's just the sting of things lost.
I guess i had better acquaint myself to being a mindless robot.
It's a survival test. Each day.