Screw this shit.

Damn i'm a bitchfit.
Atrocious
Uninmaginably unthinkable!
This has been THE worst year.
A hidden tax has been levied on my ang pow money.
I was like wtf?
Well, its not like i didn't know before
Just that this year was just horrible.
I knew it has to be something when my mum demanded to keep the ang pows till the 15th.
Dammit.
Usually the lowest never exceed $6
Now its $4...
I just can't keep it inside and not say anything about this...
EXTORTION.
What made it worse that she was whining about it even b4 we received the money.
She was sayin things like...
"Oh.. some ppl couldnt give becos they just had a funeral.."
"Oh.. you know this-and-this newly weds did not give.."
S-I-C-K-E-N-I-N-G.
I mean... i usually would accept this crap a few years back when i was more idiotic.
And we were still in the recession.
But hey... noticed i have grown a LITTLE more intelligent?
Guess not.
I know she gave alot of ang pows and kept sayin..
"You know all these are still the money i gave out, just that you got it differently"
Yadda Yadda.
"And so i still have the RIGHT to take them"
Talk about giving the younger generation 'blessing' with ang pows
Yea, just gimme the empty ang pows.
They are 'blessing' enough.
You can't fool me now with something even the blind can tell.
3 things i cannot stand
Her conventional ways.
Her rigid manners.
Her assertion as sole breadwinner she commands all.
Her belief that children owe complete obsience to their parents.
You know what?
I so want to lash it all out at her.
I mean hell with all decorum.
I at least deserve a modicum of respect.
She could do the least to tell me and ASK me.
Then she could have asserted her authority to DEMAND it from me.
Even then i would not be feeling so CHEATED
Pretty ironic you see, they do what they tell you NOT to do.
Thats parents.
And somehow they manage to wiggle their way out with the superiority of AGE.
Oh! Come on!
Dammit. Out.

Malicious Thoughts

The twisted hand of Fate.
I want to ask why... sometimes
I cannot help but feel... insignificant
I used to think of myself as the centre of the world when i was younger
I used to think of myself as some popular kid in sch when i was primary
I used to think of myself as some class honourary member when i was secondary
Now.
Its all changed.
Nobody notices you.
To everyone, you are but another co-existin being on this Earth.
You are worthless to everyone except the friends you know.
Some 'friends' are even degradatory to our own self esteem and self worth.
All in all.
I am but a less than negligible form of existence in all that exists.
It felt bad.
Natural instincts try to increase our self worth.
As if that wasn't enough.
Why did Fate have to play a part in all this?
I can almost see the smirk on its arrogant face.
We can never understand why things are why things are.
Why tragedies and miracles have to happen?
If you say happy endings are a thing to strive for to escape tragedies.
I say its a sick joke.
Its a laughing matter.
Its crap, rubbish, garbage, shit and what-have-yous....
To hell with it.

It is the natural order of things to attain equilibrium.
Yin & Yang
Light & Dark
Good & Bad
Men & Women
Then with you being better off, some other guy on the other side of the globe will get the bad karma you discarded?
If everything was designed to be perfect.
Why this?
Why do we come to this supposed 'beautiful' world only to suffer and tryin to acheive happiness?
What is the whole point?
Why do get born, only to mug a quarter of your life away, slog to death for a half, and endure sickness in transit to a peaceful death?
Tell me its God's plan to put us through the mill to cultivate strength of character.
And what after?
We don't even know.
We think its either heaven of hell because a supposed board of people who thought that they were enlightened interpreted the stars and strange lights in the sky for a higher being.
Haven't you noticed its all speculation and blind belief?
I may be harsh.
But thats what it is isn't it?
Save me the blabber that God exists in our hearts
And non believers will be banished to hell
Or purgatory.
Did you not know the Church was the most influential and corrupt force back in the Middle Ages all the way to the Renaissance.
How can you be so assured of whats right of whats taught now in Churches?
It cannot be substantiated.
Sometimes, i really question....
Why? WHY? WHY!
I won't end my life.
It would be silly
I will live on and not succumb
If its strength of character.
SO be it.
I do not live for the sake of redemption.
I live for myself, if it was really meant to be that way.
Prove me wrong, powers that be!

Oh wow......

New Year's Eve is today.
Not bad for a hectic day
Juz hoped that our celebrations could have ended earlier
AJ ended at 9.45
Crappy.
And my AJ frens went back to Cat High Pri to visit
Later met them at CHSec
It was nice
Saw many nice old frens
Saw some people that i would avoid
Saw some not very nice juniors gossiping abt me
Jade earrings and what not...
Raymond and Lip Yong
You are on my wanted list.
With a bounty on your head to have incurred my wrath.

Constantine opens today.
Went out with 6 gd frens
Kelvin
Eugene
Swee Leong
Jay
Raymond
Ho Zong
Constantine was good.
4.5 stars from me.
VERY cool action
Sleek style from Keanu Reaves of course
Great play on the in betweens
Stunning effects
Heaven and Hell
Redemption and Condemnation
Gettin stuck in between isn't very pleasant
Especially with semi-demons lurking
Demi-angels pretty much helpless.
Btw, its not nice being psychic
Or having the 3rd eye
Many underlying dark notions
Not for the faint-hearted
Nor the religious
Perfect for believers
For the clueless?
Just sit back and stone and gape about the effects and sound
It was masterfully done.
A must-watch. =)

Some Saturday...

So... its been some time since i have blogged
And i'm surprised some people made noise
So i'll satisfy your desire for gossip
Here.
Then again
It's not really gossip.
Simply a day in my perspective.
Right?
Ugh.
I sound like some gossip guru...
Well.
The NY Debate Soc had their invitationals today
And I was juz chairing one room.
I guess you could say it was exciting yet boring concurrently.
This 1st round was fun.
With HCJC and VJC shooting verbose bullets at each other.
Me and Terry sittin there enjoying the carnage.
Giggling at girls with ultra short skirts.
Meanwhile trying to catch a hint of their bombastic language and economic jargon...
Man... was i suffering
What with 'veto', 'imperative', altruistic', 'over-specialisation', 'political arms twisting'
Yadda yadda.
Actually, i had no problems.
Suppose it was Terry who had the blanker look.
Oops.
Don't catch this post =P
What was funny was this VJ J1 guy.
He got 'POI'ed by ALL the Hwa Chong girls
And guess what?
He accepted everything.
Which was 4 POIs all together.
Guess he couldnt withstand their charm
Or venom rather...
He only missed one cause he turned around in time
Leaving the HC gal feelin pretty stupid.
After the adrenaline pumpin Round 1
Rounds 2 and 3 pales in comparison
I was begginin to feel idiotic reading the same thing again... and again... AND again....
So i shan't elaborate anymore.
Lest i lose more precious brain cells
IF i had any left...

Apparently i still had some 'emergency' reserves
Which were revived after i tickled Char abt her fashion sense.
Again.
Which was very fun i must say =)
Earlier today i was talkin to Ian
I figured there must be a reason for Ian being Ian
Right.
You dont get it.
Ian for being so extravagant.
He said.
He found no meaning in life
He needed something to substantiate his existence
Material comfort gave him his reason
He failed to find solace in the spiritual aspect
For 10 years.
I suppose he finally gave up.
I personally didn't agree.
Firstly, why i didn't do what Ian does
Is because i simply cannot afford to do so
Secondly.
For my existence, there must be some reason.
So i live to find the reason to live...
But then again.
I can only understand.
The immense feeling of loss
The big question of why?
What is the meaning of life?
What are we living for?
For education?
For our parents?
For our friends?
For fun?
For sex?
For fuck's sake?
FOR WHAT?

Sometimes...
I guess we all can't help but feel it.
The inquisitive need to know.
The sudden rush of nothingness.
Some say, that is what religion is for?
For something to focus and sate our hunger
But then again, the very same problem of loss we face now
Were faced by peoples of the past.
Then why can't religion be simply a tool created by Man to satisfy and quell the loss?
Because there is simply no credible evidence for the existence of a higher being.
Then again, i'm not denying His Greatnesses' existence
Just that we can never be sure.
Ironically, we are only sure because we BELIEVE it to be sure.
For all we know, there may just be that simple answer to this mind-boggling, never ending inquisition.
Faith.
It is what we live on.
Live for.
For now.
All in all.
I believe that religion is simply a ingenious farce invented by Man to give an answer to his own doubts about his existence.
Till then, we still go on living life.