All too soon.

I've lived my life leaving alot of things unsaid.
Which is part of the reason why this blog is up.
A voice of my inner thoughts.
That i do not elucidate.

All too many times i kept quiet when i ought to speak.
And speak only superficially when advice is needed.
Say foolish things when i ought to be silent.

Fiddling around with nothing to do at the wake.
Because of my childishly myopic sister.
And because the day was coming to an end.
People were leaving, few were left.
Not knowing i drifted to my grandma's side.

And i was just thinkin.
All the Christian services goin on for 3 days.
I hadn't really paid much heed.
Nor were there much tears.
I suppose the realisation hasn't really come yet.
Somehow assured by her physical presence in the room.
As if she were here with us.

And i hear the pastor say...
Even though she isn't here with us this day, talking with us, doing with us the things she usually does, we can rest assured she has returned to her heavenly home with God.
And i think...
She's still around isn't she.
She isn't gone.
Funny how we shallow people focus so much on the material.

And i was just looking at her not long ago.
Thinkin...
She's gonna be gone tomorrow.
Cremated to ashes.
And all i have are memories.
Then when she is wrenched away.

...

Orbiturary.

In loving memory of my grandmother who passed into the next world on this very day at 0710H at Singapore General Hospital

May she find solace in heaven.

And sanctuary in God's love.

She will be fondly remembered.

Spectrum Tower

Or the RHIBS station as it is now known as.
Was a place of many memories.
With much joy and much sadness they leave.
An accursed place, yet filled with the warmth of many friends.

Seems like we were all back to ye ol'days yesterday.
Somewhat an old gathering of sorts.
A last visit by 2 ORD personnel at the station.
Reliving the times with us all.
We chatted, we reminisced, we remembered.
And hopefully that would all remain.

"Flames to dust Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?"

Much as there was joy there.
There was an undercurrent of loss.
We were all wishing for time to freeze.
That sunset would never come.
And people would never leave.

It was a simple parting.
A silent one.
A heavily worded 'Bye'
And a poignant moment when they walked...
Down the long wharf.
Eyes never leaving waiting for them to turn and wave again.
Till they were lost in sight.

Silence.
A moment to return to our time with them.
A moment to get over it.

Sunset.
Piped down.
A velvety darkness swept across the last blazing fires.
A blanket of stars dotted the nightsky.
Like tears sparkling.

Out in the ocean.
On a little dinghy.
I got lost in the blanket of stars.
Nothing else but pinpricks of lights across my eyes.

A brief streak of brillaint shimmering blue caught my eye.
Burning into nothingness in the space of a moment.
And i made a wish that would never come true.

I am just not up to it.

Just got back to camp recently.
Everything feels so alien now.
Regarded with questioning looks from unknown people.
News of all the things to happen hanging on my shoulders.
The stress of dealing with it all.
The pain and sadness of dealing with separation.

Most of my seniors have alr ORDed by the time im back.
Back in time to have another dinner gathering with my PS.
Back in time to witness the last moments of the sedet.
Before the team gets split into the other 2 plts.
The implementation of the 7Duty system.

It was said to be a dialogue.
Turns out more to be a directive briefing on the 7D system.

Just came to realise i missed out so much these past months.
You could say i'm lucky that i was on MC for so long.
Though i'd much rather have spent more time together.
The realisation of the loss came rather abruptly.

Everyone's left.
What's remaining - Split.
And me, relegated to a lonely station.
With people i don't know.
Or know only too well negatively speaking.
Very much alone.
Without hp reception underground.
I was just left hanging.

The place i've only just come to know.
I can't wait to get out.
The road that lies ahead?
I know not what.
I'm no callous person that can chuck all this out of mind.
It would be some time before i find my place again.