I just wish

I just wish that I could be all that you ever wanted.
Now I need to move on but I don't know how.
What do I do and where do I go from here?
Sometimes I wish that the tears would flow.

You.

Every fiber of my being
Is infused with thoughts of you.

When you left me.

You said you didn't have the time
I said OK
You said the attraction faded
I said OK
And I never said anything anymore.
I lay there in my bed, my phone flung to some corner
I just lay there
With that sick, familiar, wretched feeling in my chest.
Only much much worse than I have ever encountered.

I had always believed that it would get better.
And for awhile it seemed like it did.
Things get better after every let down
But no. This is one too painful.
I'm not sure if I can handle the next.
The better it gets at the beginning just means the harder I fall at the end.
I fell hard. For you. Harder than I ever have for anyone at all.
It makes me wonder, how I can ever love again?
I am not sure if I dare to dabble with people anymore.

Perhaps once again, I should listen to the little voice of truth inside
Despite me not wanting to believe it each and every time.
All those happy memories that you have left me
Something heavy stirs in my heart each time I recall.
The little quirks you have, I remember with a little tinge of melancholy.
Must you haunt me at the edge of my mind like this?
Scars never fade.

I only hope I'd still find someone like you.
One who will keep me.
But I'm not sure when he comes along.
I'll be able to open up as I did with you.

I wish I could cry it all out.
If only I knew where to find the tears.

Ramblings.

It has always been a question of mine. Can one achieve a state of spiritual communion with God or some other almighty being, without the aid of the church or said religious institute?

One's beliefs are as I have come to believe a very intimate thing. Too personal sometimes to be constrained by the limits placed upon another by the church with some set of rules.

Can we not as God's children seek direct communion with our Father and await his answer? Why does his word have to go through the filtering of the church? Indeed, some may say that the church helps to shed more light on His wisdom they may well be diluting it in their failed interpretations more often than not fraught with human selfishness?

Granted not all have the means to seek enlightenment, therefore the church exists as a guiding beacon. A gentle guiding shepherd. Last I remembered, God gave us free will to choose, the church may guide, but ultimately it should be left to us, the individual to take his own path. The church is not infallible.

Just a thought.


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