How far I have fallen

Where is that confidence whereupon I so freely wielded. Where is that lithe grace whereupon I walked among my peers. I have become withdrawn into myself. I have lost that bold confidence. I have grown cold. I look back at the year that has gone by and I simply cant believe the mistakes that I have made. And the repercussions that follow still leave hints in its wake. I am falling into this spiral of fear and dread. For the future I was once so confident about I dread with every passing moment

Why? Why have I allowed myself this lapse? In French, in class, at work, in hall. Is exhaustion and fatigue the only excuse I have for myself? Where is my drive for life. Where is my strength? What is it I seek that gives me strength to push? Or have I debilitated for far too long in this cozy cell of mine. These false impressions. Every time I stand up only to be crippled again. Fear has taken over me. Irrational fear. I hate this. This pit of self-pity. I need more than this.