V-Day.

There is simply a sense of emptiness that follows with me this very day. But then again why am i not surprised at all. It has been like that since I started to fall in love. I have been falling ever since, never once soaring to the heights promised. So why am i not surprised.

I guess I'm past whining about being alone again, it's become kinda numb for me even to feel anything at this time. I am happy for the couples that have come together, witnessing the union of numerous others are sort of like a bittersweet thing for me. For all I have seen all my years, this is the one thing that has been eluding me all this while. Despite my beliefs that falling everytime would only lead me to stand up to greater heights... Yes, I've been standing taller, learning many bitter lessons, but I'm impatient - why am i nowhere nearly there yet?

It is a truly frustrating thought sometimes.

I feel like an ant being placed in a maze of doors, one such maze that spans an incomprehensible space. Filled with doors at every turn and corner. Doors that open to dizzying drops, doors that refuse to open, doors into torture chambers, doors leading to insidious traps, doors that never lead to bliss. Where might that single door be, in this dizzying space of a maze of corridors?

Believe me when I thought I found it, only to close it upon myself because of my painful skepticism of other doors - might this be a trap. I want to open it again, only to find it bolted. I don't really care anymore, because even if it were merely a beautiful illusion, it's one that I would wanna lose myself into even if for that short period of time...

Please spare me. I have been begging and banging at that door for so long my knuckles bleed, but the blood at my feet is not from my hands, but from somewhere deeper down. Please open up, even if to give me a sliver of light upon my face.

I don't want to face the dark rooms no more.